I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
