thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
