He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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