You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
