I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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