the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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