I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
