Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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