4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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