You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
