Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Me too!
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
