Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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