Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
