It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
