Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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