How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
