Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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