I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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