there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
