where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
