A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
