it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm at about main and main street
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
