Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
