Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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