He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
