Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
