she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
