I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
