He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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