I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
