just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
