She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Randomize
