Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
