You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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