i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
