Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
