I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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