me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
