I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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