DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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