and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
