and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
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I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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