He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
