He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
