I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize