Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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