Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
