She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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