I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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