Just fell off a train. Bad.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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