its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
