her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize