I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
