cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
