My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
