Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
