Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
we made out on top of his cat.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
