I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
