i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
