i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Randomize
