Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
