so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
