Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
