theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
