Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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