"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
