I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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