I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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