so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
