Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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