billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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