if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
