my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
