I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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