Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
