Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
