There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
