I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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