You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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